


A Life Inside of Me

by TheBigLoserQueen



Series: My TFA Universe [33]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Enemy Lovers, Forbidden Love, Gen, Het, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Misunderstandings, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBigLoserQueen/pseuds/TheBigLoserQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thornstriker's relationship and life may be in jeopardy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life Inside of Me

Thornstriker had been feeling lightheaded all day. In fact, these past two weeks, she had been feeling off and sick. For the past three days in a row, she had been throwing up in the morning, but feeling just fine in the afternoon. Airstream was getting incredibly worried about it, hounding her to go visit Red Alert. Warpath wasn’t much better and had threatened to drag her there himself this morning after she had thrown up.

To get them off of her back, she had made room in his schedule to visit Red Alert. Or rather, Red Alert had made room in her schedule. Everyone in the science department could see something was off with her health and Red Alert had been insisting on letting her do a scan on her. Wanting people to be reassured that she was all right, she went into the femme’s office for a scan.

She lied down on the medical berth, feeling a bit nervous. She was in the middle of an experiment and she didn’t want anything to be messed up while she was away… Yes, Perceptor was watching over her work, but she was still feeling uneasy about leaving it unattended.

“It’ll just be a quick scan,” Red Alert assured the smaller femme.

“Really, I’m all right.”

“Throwing up three days in a row isn’t what I would classify ‘all right.’”

“It’s just some bad stomach pains. Really, I’m all right!”

But Red Alert dismissed her. As the green femme gave a small sigh, she lowered the internal scanning plates over her stomach, considering she was having some stomach issues. Dimming the lights, she turned on the scanner and looked to the screen. After waiting a few minutes, nothing abnormal had been detected.

“Hmm… Strange. You don’t seem to be having any stomach issues.”

“I told you I was all right,” Thornstriker said, laughing softly.

“Well, let’s keep looking over you.”

She moved the scanner over her chassis area. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary… Her spark rate was fine. Her energon levels were a little low, but that could have been due to lack of sleep or food. Red Alert knew how some of the scientists, Thornstriker included, would skip on meals or recharge just so they could do more research. No circuits or wiring seemed to be out of place or functioning incorrectly. Though her spark seemed to be a bit swollen-

Suddenly, the scanner picked up something else, a small blue window appearing on the screen. Red Alert blinked and narrowed her optics to look at the reading. But when she was only halfway through reading it, her optics widened in a mix of shock and horror.

There… was more than one spark rate being picked up. Alongside Thornstriker’s, there was another one. A small and developing rate that had attached itself to Thornstriker’s spark… which seemed rather swelled for a bot of her stature…

“Red Alert?”

She swallowed, slowly looking at her. As far as she knew… Thornstriker didn’t have a mate. Thornstriker had even said that she wasn’t seen anyone. That she had no interest in trying to meet anyone. And after what happened with that Decepticon, Red Alert wasn’t surprised. The poor femme had been so traumatized after what that mech did to her… For the longest time, she wouldn’t even let anyone touch her.

But even though that had been vorns ago, Red Alert knew that those sort of scars still lingered. She was much better now… But since Thornstriker had still not gotten into a relationship with anyone, the medic assumed that perhaps she was still afraid. Still afraid to be touched, to be intimate with another life form.

So why was the scanner picking up a second spark rate?

Seeing the rather pale expression on her, Thornstriker’s optics widened in concern. She looked like she had seen a ghost. “Red Alert?”

The medic hesitated, glancing between the green femme and the scanner. Maybe it was a faulty scanner? No… This state-of-the-art equipment had just been installed a month ago. But she knew Thornstriker wasn’t with anyone! But still…

She swallowed. “Thornstriker, do… do you have a mate?”

Thornstriker almost faltered, but did her best to keep herself composed. There was no way she could tell her the truth, even if she was a good friend… Not even her own brother knew. Only Warpath knew, but that was simply because he had found out by accident. But she wondered what had sparked the question to begin with.

She shook her helm, unable to look the medic in the eyes.

Her answer only made Red Alert bite her bottom lip and look around the room. She had to be sure they were alone. She couldn’t let anyone else hear or know about this… not unless Thornstriker wanted others to know.

Once she saw that they were indeed the only two in the room, she took a deep breath and asked, “Thornstriker, have you… been with anyone?”

A look of confusion came over her face.

“Have you been interfacing with anyone?” she demanded gently, moving the scanner away from Thornstriker’s body. “Have you shown your spark to anyone? Willing?”

Oh Primus, did she know? Did she know she was seeing Bloodshed? A wave of panic came over her, even though she tried to remain calm. Slowly, she sat up and looked at everything but Red Alert’s face. She was bad at lying. She would never be able to convince the medic that she wasn’t in a relationship with the enemy!

“Wh-What are you-?”

“You’re carrying.”

Thornstriker’s voice caught her throat. Her optics widened and her mouth fell slightly agape as it seemed the entire world disappeared underneath her pedes. She had thought she had heard wrong for a moment, only able to stare the femme who just stared back at her. And the medic had said… carrying?

She was carrying? No… No, she had to have heard wrong. There was no way she had sparked. Bloodshed… Bloodshed was a Decepticon. They had to keep their relationship a secret. Yes, she and Bloodshed had brushed their sparks against each other during a coupling a little over a month ago. But that had only been once!

That… shouldn’t have caused it. That couldn’t have been the reason she had been feeling sick these past few days. It had to be something else! Anything else! The lightheadedness, the morning sickness, the tiredness, the feeling always hungrier at meals… Dear Primus… Dear Primus…!

Thornstriker didn’t even realize she started trembling, the reality dawning on her hard. She was carrying. In her chassis… another spark was developing. Another life… a life that both she, an Autobot, and Bloodshed, a Decepticon, had created. Out of a forbidden love that if known, all three of them would be in danger.

“Thornstriker?”

She looked up at her, but once her optics settled on Red Alert’s somewhat disturbed face, she quickly averted her gaze. Primus, how could this have happened…?! It was only once!

“Thornstriker, did… you have a one night stand?” she demanded. While she knew Thornstriker to be that kind of person, there were very few ways for this new spark had been conceived… And she didn’t want to think the worst option. “Do you know who the sire is? Thornstriker?”

She opened and closed her mouth. What was she supposed to say?! She was too overwhelmed to lie. But she couldn’t just tell the truth! Not like this, not in this sort of situation.

Her hand subconsciously came up to touch her chassis, feeling it pound against the plating. She was carrying… This was real. This wasn’t just some sort of misunderstanding or some twisted joke. There was another life inside of her. She was going to be a mother once this sparkling was born…

And Bloodshed would be its father.

She couldn’t calm down, her hand coming up to her mouth to hold back a sob. Red Alert’s optics widened when she saw the femme shaking harder, tears forming in her optics. No… No, it couldn’t be like this. Her friend couldn’t have been hurt like that again…

In a soft voice, almost gently like a mother talking to her child, she asked, “Thornstriker… Were you assaulted?”

When the femme just continued to sob, she took it as a confirmation. And while she wanted to get angry, she had to remain calm. For Thornstriker’s sake. She was the one who was made to suffer… a second time.

“Who was it? Was it… the same mech? Thornstriker, is the sire of this sparkling… Bloodshed?”

Thornstriker cried harder. She wanted to tell her that it wasn’t the way she was thinking, that Bloodshed would never hurt her again! That this had been a simply accident… But she couldn’t say that, her overwhelmed mind still very much aware of the consequences if anyone found out the truth.

“Please…!” she whimpered out finally, not knowing what else to do but plead with the medic. “D-Don’t tell anyone…! N-No one can know…!”

Red Alert fell silent, her entire body growing cold. Dear Primus… It had happened again. Thornstriker had been violated again. And by the same brutal bastard… Her hands balled up into fists, turning away for a few moments to calm herself down. As angry as she was, she had to be professional and collected about this. Thornstriker was in far more agony… Primus, she looked ready to just curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep.

It was just like that time all those vorns ago. When Thornstriker seemed so broken, so fragile and weak… Damn it, why? Why did this have to happen to her again?!

But Red Alert just took a deep breath before turning back to her. She had to approach this delicately. She wasn’t the one who was suffering… And she didn’t want to make things worse and agitate her more. Still… She couldn’t remain silent either.

“Thornstriker, what do you wish to do?”

The smaller femme looked up at her through her tears, confused.

“What will you do with… the sparkling?”

She just grew even more confused. When Red Alert just continued to look at her, she realized she needed to calm down. She needed to think about… everything. She couldn’t just cry the entire time… Maybe later, but now… Now she had to face Red Alert. And keep up the horrible idea that she had been forced. That this sparkling had been forced on her, something so far from the truth that it actually made her stomach hurt. Sniffling, she wiped the away the last of tears and looked up the medic, who patiently waited for her to speak.

“Wh-What do you mean?”

“There are other options.”

The slow, careful tone sent Thornstriker on edge, but she could only murmured out, “Other… Options?”

Red Alert nodded. Thornstriker was not the first victim she had ever come across during her time as a medic… And while some seemed ready to think about what to do, others either became hysterical or even angry about this, especially depending on their personal beliefs. And considering the situation at hand… This wouldn’t be easy.

“Thornstriker. You don’t have to let it grow inside of you. Since it is still quite early… It is easier to detach the developing spark from yours.”

She was… suggesting that she terminate the sparkling? An… abortion? Her entire body grew cold, paling at the thought. Immediately and subconsciously, her hands shot up to her chassis, almost as if to shield the sparkling inside of her from the femme.

She didn’t seem surprised at first. “Thornstriker, please, listen to me. This… other spark was forced upon you. And the sire is a much larger Decepticon. I’m worried about both your health and your safety.”

Thornstriker said nothing, hugging herself tighter.

“You and… Bloodshed-” she did her best not to say the name with disgust and resentment “-are very much different in size… I’m sure your spark ratio is also different. You carrying his… sparkling inside of you could severely damage your own chambers. And if something goes wrong during the developing stages… You may die.”

The scientist didn’t argue, knowing that it was true. While she was a healthy femme, she still had a physically weak body. Bloodshed, in contrast, was an incredibly large Cybertronian… There were risks and complications for the carrier when bots of different spark-sizes sparked a child. She was not an exception.

“No one would judge you for choosing the alternative,” Red Alert said gently. “And no one has to know either. As asked, I will not share what happened here today with _anyone_. We can get rid of the problem here and now and I can set you up with a private counselor…"

Thornstriker said nothing, hugging herself as she looked down into her lap. Primus, she was talking about the sparkling as if it was some sort of parasite! She didn’t know the truth behind its initial creation! It was from love… This sparkling was from love… But she bit her glossa, knowing that she couldn’t tell her that.

If anyone ever knew the truth… The child would probably be forcibly removed. She would be imprisoned for fraternizing with the enemy. Maybe even killed. And Primus only knew what would happen to her mate. Logically speaking, it was probably best to terminate the sparkling for everyone’s own safety.

She just couldn’t say yes though. There was just no way she could say she didn’t want to have this sparkling. Especially not without Bloodshed never knowing of the life growing inside of her. This was his sparkling too… He also needed to know about this. She had to speak to him…

But what were they even going to do? What was Thornstriker supposed to say about this child? And did Bloodshed even want a sparkling? They had never spoken about parenthood or Bloodshed’s thoughts about children. What if he didn’t want it? What if he felt that this child would be a burden on them? She knew that he had always been protective of her and their relationship… He didn’t want her to get hurt.

And this child risked her life. And if Bloodshed didn’t want it… Would she be the only one who would love it?

Swallowing, she whimpered out, “Give me time…”

“What?”

“Pl-Please… I-I need time to think… I need to think about this…”

Her optics widened. Thornstriker didn’t have time to think. She needed to know now as to what she wanted to do so she could prepare for a surgery or a birth. Thornstriker didn’t have much time! As her medic, she needed to prepare what she could for the green femme… And considering the details around this sparkling, she would have to act accordingly to Thornstriker’s wishes if she wanted to keep this a secret.

Slowly, Thornstriker got off the berth. Her legs shook a bit, fear and confusion still wrestling inside of her. Primus, she was carrying, she was really carrying… The reality was still sinking in and it was only more and more frightening the more she thought about it. She had to get to her quarters… She needed to be alone. She needed to think.

She needed to cry.

Just as she started to head toward the door, Red Alert gently grabbed her by the arm. Thornstriker stopped, turning to the medic to see her look distressed.

“But Thornstriker, the sparkling-”

Thornstriker didn’t want to hear it, yanking her arm free and refusing to look at her. “Red Alert, please… I… I just need some time… just give me some time.”

The medic bit her lip and rubbed the back of her neck cables. Damn it, she couldn’t just push her to make a decision… As much as they both knew the logical choice, Thornstriker clearly wasn’t in the right state of mind to say what she wanted to do now.

As much as she wanted an answer now, Red Alert knew it wasn’t going to happen. This was probably way too hard for her to just make a choice. But Red Alert could understand a little bit. Thornstriker was the one suffering, not her.

“All right,” she said softly. “Do… Do you want me to arrange for a counselor?”

Thornstriker shook her helm. “Please… Just don’t tell anyone about this. Please.”

“Of course. This is between you and me. I promise.”

Thornstriker didn’t reply. With her helm down, she quietly slipped out of her office. No one seemed to have spotted her, so she walked down the hall and kept herself close to the wall. No one seemed to notice her as she quickly made her way toward her quarters. The entire walk made her anxious, fearing one of her friends or her brother would see her. If they say her, they would pull her off to the side to ask about what Red Alert said about her health.

She wouldn’t be able to lie if they asked. If anything, she would probably just breakdown and it would be a disaster from there. No one else could know about this. Not until she talked to Bloodshed first.

When she finally came to her room, she quickly retreated inside and threw herself on her berth. Before she knew it, tears poured down her cheeks and she sobbed softly into one of her pillows.

A sense of dread fell over her, a hand reaching up to clutch at her chassis. She was scared. She was scared to tell the Decepticon the truth. She didn’t know how Bloodshed would react… And a part of her feared that the mech would not want the sparkling developing inside of her.

What was she supposed to do if that happened? Abort it? Give it up? But that was like saying she didn’t or didn’t want to love the sparkling and that just wasn’t true. She wanted to love it… She was already feeling protective over the life inside of her. She knew that it would be looked at with disgust, because people wouldn’t understand…

Thornstriker shut her optics tightly, still sobbing. It didn’t matter what others thought. She would raise it… She would care for it. She would do whatever he could to protect this developing life within in.

She would love it, even if no one else would.


End file.
